The Closet

Part Two of Chapter One

The other auntie does not wait silently anymore, she burst from the closet before it can open more than an inch or two. Her eyes searching for me. They always find me. When they do, I scream. I have not messed myself or fainted since that first time, but I am just as terrified. Screaming I run to my room and wait for mama to come home.
One time, I left my coat and scarf lying on the sofa instead of putting them away in the closet. It was my plan to stay outside, avoiding Auntie until mama came home. I was in the barn when she came for me. Not the other Auntie but the real auntie. She was madder than I had ever seen her before. She beat me for leaving my things laying around. I had never been beat before, mama did not even spank me on the bottom; I was afraid of what would happen if mama found out, so I did not tell anyone about the beating or the other auntie.
Walking into the yard I resolve myself not to scream this time. Sound is ok but not a full scream. I imagine auntie’s look as I calmly step around her and hang up my school bag. “Nice Mask”, I will say as I turn my back to her and head to the kitchen for some milk. Dejected and confused she will take the mask off and stare in awe at my sudden bravery.
I start up the steps, feeling the quiet. The other Auntie is here, the house knows. I know. Trembling, I climb steps. As I cross through the front door I know with certainty that the she is not in the closet. The fear builds as I make my way down the hall to the closet. Trembling I reach for knob. heart pounding I jerk open the door. Nothing, it is empty but for the woolies and the dust.
The anticipated relief does not come. Stowing my things I began to understand. She is here, the other auntie is here and she is out of the closet. I hear Laughing, no giggling, the sound of a little girl delighted. The sound has been with me, distant and undefined from the moment I walked in the door. How could I have not noticed it? The sound is coming from Uncle Emery’s study. It used to be his dad’s study and his dad’s before that.
I walk to the door. Peering in I see her. She is not wearing a mask. But there is one lying haphazardly on the floor next to the desk. An unexplainable fear grips me. I want to run away but I can not. She is reading form an old book which appears to be a journal of some kind. I have never seen it before, which is not surprising. I am not allowed in the study and it is usually locked. The other auntie is muttering, smiling, delighted with her special treat. “Burn them” she mutters followed by a giggle. “Yes Nathanial, burn the whore. Fuck them and then burn them. Make them pay for our sins. Yes the smell! The smell is, (hehehe) the smell is wondrous. So much better for the salvation”. Some small movement, maybe the flutter of my dress catches her eye and she looks up suddenly her violet eye flashing. “Come Naomi, come read grandpa’s book” she invites softly. I wanted to go to her. No, not her. The book, I wanted to go to the book. It wanted me too. I could feel its pull. I ran.
I ran from the house crying tears streaming down my face leaving their tell tale tracks. I was not crying out of fear. It was longing I felt. It disgusted m to want it, but I did. I wanted to see the book, feel its oiling exterior, read its pages. I wanted to know it and it to know me. The sick came sudden, I lurched to the corner of the loft, and cried as the mess stained my dress and covered my shoes. I crept from the loft and quickly crossed the yard. I was able to make it to my room without seeing her.
Auntie was already eating when I entered the kitchen for dinner. We had a dining room but it was not used except for special occasion. Mama says there is no reason to dirty up a room that is entirely too big for our small family. As always auntie acted as if nothing had happened. I crossed the room and sat next to mama. Where is the book now? Auntie is the book’s whore but it is done with her. It wants me now. Mama what’s a whore?